mediocrity

I always hear that I don't have to stress too much. That everything I put myself into is too much. That I dream too much... And also that I create lots of expectations. Not for others, I don't expect anything from anyone. But from me, I push myself. I was raised by a poor family. When I was younger if I said to the other that I dreamt with things I have today, they would've said that I was nuts. Because that would be too much too.

I can't. Sometimes I get tired. I know my dreams and hopes are too high. But I want to catch it. I consider many lives among me to be.... mediocrities. The same routine over and over again, cringe stuff, not one glamour time, not a private jat, skills or bodies to be enviable... Nothing. I don't want that. I don't want to be a cringe normie. If I could I would not even grow old...

But all I say I want to achieve... Is too much. Sometimes I think I get to live inside a history book during Dark Ages. A therapist would say I have to appreciate the simple and little things that make me happy and not push myself that hard. And I do! I celebrate every single victory I have and had. Me, myself and I. 

That's another thing. I have to be proud of myself because only I know where the start lap began. I am not willing to share, people that don't understand my dreams would not understand my victories, right? And also I heard something from my father when I was a kid: I don't have to listen to anyone who does not have a life style I want to follow.

I'm tired to hear everything I want is too much. Too much of a body, of a makeup, of money, of a boyfriend, of a party... I will achieve that. I want to. I'll work on it.